Most Influential Rock Albums: Part II

Black Celebration
Depeche Mode

Most people will probably remember Depeche Mode for their dance music played at clubs throughout the western world in the late eighties and early nineties. It’s hard to plug their work neatly into one genre. I’ve heard it called New Wave, Alternative, Techno-Industrial, and Synth-Pop. Some insist that Depeche Mode is in a genre of its own. Their hardcore fans are a peculiar bunch. Today I think they would straddle the line between the prep and goth cliques, if you can imagine such a thing.

“Black Celebration” is the definitive Depeche Mode album. It was the first album in their watershed moment, which included the two subsequent EPs: “Music for the Masses” and “Violator”. Prior to this album Depeche Mode wrote music to be played in the background at dance clubs. After “Violator” they got too introspective, and, I think, intimidated by the ferocity of the grunge movement. Since then their work has been in decline, although unwilling to die. Pre-Nirvanna greats R.E.M. and U2 have undergone similar tribulations. I chose “Black Celebration” as representative of this larger collection because it is my personal favorite. Musically and lyrically the entire album has a theme and is best listened to in one sitting without interruption. In short, it is better than the collection of songs comprising it.

This album is as dark as the title suggests. There are no boring songs about puppy love here. When Depeche Mode sings about love it’s always either unrequited or superficial. Relationships are greedy pursuits by both parties, founded on a mutually agreed upon and unenforceable sexual contract. They are little more than any material commodity, which, by the way, are over abundant and thus greatly reduced in worth, and just as liquid. Both are to be callously traded at market prices in an effort to increase one’s net worth. Best to grab all that you can in the short time you have before it all evaporates in death’s inescapable and indifferent grasp. In this universe religion is replaced with nihilism. As “thou shalt not steal” is an obstacle to obtaining material wealth, “thou shalt not commit adultery” is an obstacle to emotional wealth. To strictly adhere to either is to deprive oneself of the pain-killing narcotics that make this brief interval between unconscious states bearable. There is no “Parental Advisory” sticker on the album, probably since its release predates such things, but dwelling too long on these themes will take you to a dark place. Listen with care, and, if you can, concentrate on the rhythmic dance club instrumentation instead of the dismal commentary.

If I listened to pop metal and hair bands in high school out of some sort of early adolescent reaction to heavy-handed parenting, then I listened to bands like Depeche Mode in college to differentiate myself from the ignorant hillbillies in my home town. The preferred recreational activity in that town was driving in circles around the town square. The only recognized parties were held in the woods out of the back of pickup trucks where participants would dance around a fire and crush beer cans on their heads. The ecumenical soundtrack for both activities had to feature an electric guitar. Ergo, in the mind of this eighteen year-old, electric guitars were one of the leading causes of stupidity. Thus I adopted a band that were essentially keyboard programmers.

Whereas albums like “Hysteria” bring back memories of forced celebacy, “Black Celebration” carries far less frustrating emotional baggage. For one thing, this is my college album. You know what college is like. Also, my girlfriend was way into Depeche Mode, too. DM came to Urbana in 1993 and, like good fans, we were there in the appropriate attire. We foolishly took pictures of ourselves which, regrettably, survive to this day. If you know enough about me, you can probably find one of those pictures online, although, if you’re a friend, you won’t.

I may have listened to this album a little too much. For a while I was known among those I lived near as the guy who likes Depeche Mode. I remember once in the dorms I put this cassette on one evening when everyone was doing homework. It was loud enough to carry at least a few doors down. It didn’t play for more than 2 minutes before one of my neighbors barged into my room and, without saying a word, stopped the tape and put in a different tape.

I still listen to this album today, as well as other DM albums from the same era, although not nearly as much as I used to. It reminds me of when I was first out on my own and trying to find my own identity. I reminisce of the one I selected, usually just nostalgically, but every now and then to reflect on the house that identity constructed for my present identity. I think in a weird way my life is built on this album. Take that as an endorsement if you want.

Favorite Track: Fly on the Windscreen
Notable Contenders: Depeche Mode: “Violator” and “Music for the Masses”; New Order: “Substance”, “Technique”, and “Republic”

Most Influential Rock Albums: Part I

This is the first part in an overview of the rock albums that I have listened to most. This is not necessarily a list of what are presently my favorite albums, but a list of albums that have been my favorite albums in the past. Actually, it’s not just that I have liked a few songs from the album, but the whole album. And the album is more than just good, but has been in some way influential for me, or epitomized my emotional behavior in a significant way.

Starting off the list is the ultimate in 80s glam, hair, bubble gum, pop metal: Def Leppard’s consumate album “Hysteria”. Sure it’s cheesy. These days you only appreciate it as fine music if you sport a mullet and drive a 1985 Camero when it’s not up on blocks. Serious fans will get a second mortgage on their double-wide just to get lawn seats at one of Def Leppard’s depressing “remember when this was cool” concerts. But I assure you that back before Reagan was (supposedly) suffering from dementia, my entire high school was hysterical over this album (get it?). “Love Bites” was a favorite at dances. Horny high schoolers loved making out to it. Not me, of course, although not for lack of trying. At our ten year reunion someone brought the cassette tape so the DJ could play “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, which he did to great applause. I was just impressed that he had a cassette player.

This the first album in my list because this was the first rock album I ever owned. And by owned I mean copied to cassette from one of my friend’s cassettes. To understand why that is significant you have to put yourself in the role of the recently home-schooled dweeb just released to the public high school by his rock-is-from-the-devil fundamentalist parents. My parents are baby-boomers, but not the cool baby-boomers that made The Beatles popular. No, they were the other boomers that wore sweater vests and ties and, if they sang songs, sang the praises of The Establishment. In my dad’s opinion society sank into the abyss sometime around 1969.

Now, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t attend high school in 1988 wearing sweater vests and thick plastic glasses and listening to The Beach Boys, although it took me about a semester to figure this out. I remember listening to this album through headphones in my bedroom with the door shut, terrified that if I was discovered I would be sent back to home school. I actually constructed a somewhat elaborate ruse to conceal my vice. At home I would play pop music (think Debbie Gibson) or pre-1969 music like The Monkees. I would also dress in their preppy polyester clothes before leaving. At school I would change into a t-shirt and jeans, and, of course, air guitar to Def Leppard.

Gradually, over my sophomore and junior years, the ruse became unnecessary for reasons I still don’t completely understand. I think my mom was sympathetic toward me and was an advocate for me with my dad. They probably also just came to realize that disappointment is a staple of parenthood. They may have also seen just how trivial the whole matter was and decided it wasn’t worth an extended conflict.

I just bought the Deluxe Edition of Hysteria at Best Buy. In addition to the remastered original 12 tracks, it boasts numerous b-sides, remixes, and live versions. I reluctantly admit to still loving this album. Now when I listen to it I can’t help but recall those days when no problem that we would ever face in life would be more serious than what was going on right then in high school.

Favorite Track: Hysteria
Notable Contenders: Aerosmith’s “Permanent Vacation”, Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood”, Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet”

cognitive dissonance

I think if god does exist he must be an enormous asshole. Don’t agree? Then explain this to me. And don’t give me that crap about him knowing better than us.

Introducing the Skeptical Lutheran MBA program

I’m finally starting to realize which way the winds in American industry are blowing. Clearly, I’ve taken the wrong approach by getting a doctorate in a technical discipline and restricting myself to strict research and development projects. But no more! I’m launching my own online MBA program. So all you talentless douche bags looking to make money without dumping your douche baginess take heed. Enroll in my program and soon you’ll be taking the effortless path to flashy cars, hot secretaries, and caviar-laced banquets. Here are some of the courses I’m working on:

Marketing 501: Stifling Innovation
In this course you will learn the basics of crapping on innovations posited by your company’s technical personnel. All too often people hesitate to criticize that which they do not understand. This course will teach you how to skim articles in news sources and trade publications, and the abstracts of technical journals so that you can pick up just enough technical jargon to sound erudite while lambasting your companies research personnel. The board and stockholders are guaranteed to believe you know more than your scientists about science!

Marketing 502: Taking credit
Occasionally those pesky scientists not only manage to weasel funding for their projects, they also prove the concept works. In this course you’ll learn how to convince your management and customers that the now successful innovation was yours all along. This can be difficult since science guys like to leave an enormous paper trail documenting their research. However, our proven method of side-stepping, double talk, and bullshitting will give you the tools you need to discredit those scientists in front of equally uneducated audiences.

Accounting 501: Discretionary spending
Technical staff like to parasitize the company coffers. As a manager of a tech company you will be inundated with requests for travel to conferences, or for fancy computers. Don’t be fooled. They will tell you that the conferences are required for conferring with colleagues, a necessary part of the scientific method, but this is actually an excuse for ego-centric Ph.Ds to get together for a weekend in Bermuda and do jello shots off a strippers belly. And the computers they need are way more than you need to read email or run Microsoft Office (the only software any business really needs). Don’t be distracted by their whining about elaborate computational requirements. This course will teach you how to see through these and other common scams.

That’s all I have so far. This is a program that is still a work in progress. Course suggestions are welcome!

Join the science team

Hey, faith-heads, check out this picture. That’s a little girl infected with smallpox. If you have an ounce of compassion in your superstitious mind you’ll have to fight back tears. This used to be a major threat to humans. In the last century alone it killed some 300-500 million people. That makes World War II and World War I look comparatively harmless. But fear not, for I bring you good tidings. No longer do you or your children have to live in fear of this terrible fate.

You see smallpox has been dead lo these 22 years now. Completely eradicated. There are no children anywhere that have to fear this. And it wasn’t because it was prayed out of existence. Faith healers couldn’t even cure one smallpox victim. What happened was years of scientific research in physiology and related fields finally led to the discovery of vaccines. After a little time, and a lot of vaccinations, the virus couldn’t find enough human hosts to survive and became extinct. Neat huh? Science probably saved your ass.

I know, I know: God did it through those brainy science guys, possibly in answer to your many prayers. Funny, though, how he made it look exactly as if he had nothing to do with it. I imagine that over human history many have prayed for an end to smallpox. All that time God was watching lovingly from his comfy perch in the clouds without doing a damn thing when he could have in his omnipotence eradicated it with his supernatural godness. Instead he decided to wait until almost a billion people had fallen to it (and many more to its after effects) and then magically zap someone with the knowledge of vaccinations, but carefully doing so in such a way as to make it appear that they figured it out on there own. You’ll excuse me if I don’t murmur a prayer of thanksgiving.

Don’t believe me? It doesn’t matter, because unlike the hope you peddle, this works regardless of whether or not you believe in it. Vaccinations wont ask if you believe in them before graciously deciding to inoculate you against disease. I suppose you could be stupid about it and just refuse the vaccination. Of course if enough people had refused smallpox vaccinations it wouldn’t have been eradicated. So, I guess if enough people dont believe in it strongly enough they could screw themselves, and by extension much of the rest of the world in the process.

So why don’t you all come in and join the science team? Stop standing on the sidelines, or worse, playing against us, and help us win a few for humanity. Your kids will love you for it.

Here endeth the screed.

Has it been 6012 years already?

Young earth creationists are prone to believe that the world was born on this very day in 4004 B.C. The MIT of YECs appears to have some respect for this astonishingly ridiculous idea:

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v1/n1/world-born-4004-bc

So to all you YECs out there, are you planning any earth birthday celebrations? Maybe burn a little extra oil since the earth is definitely not getting any warmer?

And it seems like just yesterday it was only 6011 years old.

John Lennon

I just realized that today is (or would have been) John Lennon’s 69th birthday. I wouldn’t have noticed, but I’m taking an interest in The Beatles lately. Here’s a little something to commemorate the occasion.

“The Office” sucks

I’m so excited that Pam and Jim got married! I’ve been waiting for that since I accidentally discovered the show while I was waiting for “30 Rock” one night! Alec Baldwin is so hot! Anyway now that Pam and Jim are married I’m totally excited about their baby! Do you think they will bring the kid to work! I’m sure they will because that how real life works! And the ten minutes of dancing down the aisle at the wedding was completely plausible and believable and just way cool! My friends and I do that all the time! It’s perfectly acceptable to do that at someone’s wedding, even if you’re not in the wedding party or related to them, or even a good friend! And Pam and Jim kept making their trademark camera expressions through the whole thing! My friends and I laughed through that whole scene because that’s exactly how we are when we hang out! And that youtube video is so hillarious! I forwarded it to my whole address book! Your welcome, by the way! That show has gotten so awesome since they got people out that boring office! I can’t wait to see what original plot threads the imaginative writers will come up with next! I think more people should hook up in the office! Andy and the receptionist? Angela and Dwight (again)? Creed and Meredith? Oscar and Kevin?!?! This show is so awesome and clever and funny! Yeah NBC!

Finally getting around to fixing this…

I’m going to try to broaden my musical tastes into the sixties and seventies. I’ve never been a fan of The Beatles, but then I never really gave them a chance. I’ve tried to stay clear of anything from the Baby Boomer epoch, but it looks like this “rock and roll” thing is here to stay.

I’m soliciting suggestions. I have a copy of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. (I’m listening to “Lucy in the sky with diamonds” as I type this.) Anyhoo, I haven’t really the patience to sift through the entire Beatles catalog. If you feel strongly about this please email me or comment here with suggestions for which Beatles album I should sample next.

State-sanctioned murder

Should the death penalty be abolished? I used to think no, but I’m gradually changing my mind. It’s not that I think there aren’t crimes for which death is not an appropriate punishment. It’s that in my experience with large bureaucracies, the government in particular, I’ve come to realize how often mistakes are made. I don’t trust the government to correctly place guilt every time. I suspect the success rate is far less than any reasonable person would call acceptable. Innocent people are going to be murdered by the state. This may have happened recently in Texas. Read this story and decide for yourself. If you have ADD or just don’t like to read, watch video here.